My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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