question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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