the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
