You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
