I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
