he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
