Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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