I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
When are your genitals available?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize