dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
