So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize