my vag is so smooth its legendary
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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