Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
