remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
