I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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