That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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