Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
