He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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