the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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