the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You left your phone here
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