I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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