cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
