Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
