I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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