I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
