if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
