dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
This toilet bowl is my home.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
