I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
