I'm really into asian looking animals
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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