but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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