it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my being single is dangerous.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
