i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
