There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
