I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
