I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize