Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
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Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
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Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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