You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
