I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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