Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
