i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
FUCK WHALES
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
