he shaved USA in his pubs
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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