I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
