either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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