rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
