so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
