Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
