And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
