Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
