How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
