if i can run in heels then i can drive
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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