it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
