Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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