i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
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I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
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Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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