Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize