I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize