I must be too annoying 4 u.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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