im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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