i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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