I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
