All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just made my gag reflex go away.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just forgot I was standing up.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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