are you so shy because you have an std?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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