So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize