I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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